Seconds before opening that side door and pushing our way to freedom, Jessica paused and considered the potential trouble we may be faced with if caught by employees on the other side. But I turned towards her and shrilly screamed, “It’s either THAT or --”...and proceeded to act (high-giggly-needy)x100000000. Clearly, we chose the lesser of two evils.
I cannot express the sheer and utter joy we felt burst into our little frantically-beating hearts the moment we stepped out onto the beautifully warm, Needies-free concrete lane. Eighteen-wheelers decorated with colourful profanities, and fly-infested Dumpsters with reek garbage spilling over its metal confines like a fat kid in a Speedo, never looked so beautiful.
From there we walked along the side of the building, unsure as to where we were or where we were going, but still riding on the accomplished high that our escape had imparted on us. We finally reached an entrance, and decided that it was safe enough to go back inside. In retrospect I don’t see the logic in this, but I suppose it worked out for the best, since I wouldn’t have a Part II to write about otherwise.
We stepped into the middle of a large indoor book sale set-up in the middle of the mall. Confident in their illiteracy, I authoritatively assured Jessica, “Those two would never look for us here. Like, what would they do with BOOKS?!” She agreed and we stopped to have a look. We were so blissfully immersed in the Discount Books section that we failed to see two heads bopping towards us in the distance. However, we did hear one of them happily squeal, “HEEY, there they are!” Jessica and I turned to each other in shock, disbelief, and dread. The books we considered buying for $3 and $2 respectively, were flung back towards the general direction of the bookrack, and we fled to the multi-aisled sanctuary that is Wal-Mart.
Upon reflection, I’m sure we looked like two crazed lunatics, frantically running up and down the various aisles. But it put our problem-solving skills to the test and I bet they improved for the better. We only had mere seconds to quickly run through the different aisles, assess the inventory, evaluate which aisle would be most likely to not interest the demented Needies, weigh the pros and cons of each, and determine whether the perfect refuge would be next to the HoHos and Twinkies rack or the Quaker® Oatmeal Breakfast Squares. And all of this was done with the added background distractions of startled looks as well as “DEBBIE IN AISLE NINE PLEASE” and ofcourse, the ever-present fear amid the thudding of our hearts.
Somehow, we wound up in the Auto-Repairs section. But our eyes immediately locked when we both saw the vessel to our escape: the NO ENTERING WITHOUT EMPLOYEE ACCOMPANIMENT door to the garage exit. At this time, I thought it was an opportune moment to pause and consider how ridiculously funny we must look to the security guards watching this whole thing on camera. However, Jessica was not as easily distracted, and to my utter amazement, she interrupted the Auto-Repair employee and his customer, and asked if we could go through that door. Now, anyone who really knows Jessica would not believe this, for Jessica has a near-phobia with asking anybody questions. But I assure you, it did indeed happen. The employee didn’t say anything but just looked at Jessica with her scared face, and I think my pride and shock at Jessica produced an impressive looking expression as well. After a few long, heart-wrenching seconds, our Saviour wordlessly pressed a secret-compartment button and the door magically swung open.
We burst out of Wal-Mart Auto-Repair and into sweet, sweet freedom - again. I swear, that high never gets old. Then we saw the huge, yellow exterior of No-Frills a few feet away from us. Jessica was like a fruit-fly enthralled by one of those bright, insect zappers that glow and attract flying insects into an electrocuting grid. The glowing light of the store design was calling her name. Because, also as anyone knows Jessica, she is in love with No-Frills (she has said it was due to the low prices). We went inside and found some cardboard boxes. She put one over her head and said that if we wore boxes like that, we could hang out at the park undetected. At first I excitedly agreed, but soon realized that however genius that plan might be, the boxes may prove to be a liability if we were required to run away in such a situation.
So we ditched the boxes and cautiously ventured back to the park, cause we’re brave like that. Fortunately, the rest of the day was peaceful and we spent our time watching cute fat pigeons attempting to mate. There was a minor disruptance when we were happily sitting together on a bench and a pigeon peed on us. It was gross but not too bad, except another pigeon also felt the urge to pee on Jessica. But after that it was smooth sailing, baby.